


how do you sleep

by braveatheart



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, OW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-10-28 10:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20777153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/braveatheart/pseuds/braveatheart
Summary: "How do you sleep, Kara?""Not well."ORIt's 4 am and neither of them can sleep. Somehow, they end up on Lena's roof.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is just a little drabble that came to mind after listening to Sam Smith's "How Do You Sleep." I hope you enjoy!

It’s been four weeks since Kara told Lena the truth. 

Telling Lena in itself was horrible. Kara found out that Lena already knew, thanks to her brother. She glared at Kara with what could only be described as hate while Kara attempted to explain herself. It was for Lena’s own safety. She was afraid Lena would leave her.

And she did. Lena left.

Work at CatCo was hell. Despite their personal differences, the two of them still had to be civil enough to function as coworkers. Discussing deadlines and potential stories was as much talking as they did together. Much as Kara attempted to initiate conversation otherwise, Lena either flatly ignored her or responded in as few words as possible. Kara can’t remember the last time Lena looked her in the eye. The only time Kara ever sees her best friend’s eyes anymore is when they roll as Kara takes off for Supergirl duties.

Kara can’t function. She barely sleeps, eats, drinks water, or socializes. The most social interaction she has is to tell her sister she’s fine every day, even though she knows Alex doesn’t believe her. Articles that usually would take her three minutes to write take her three hours, even with the ability to type at superspeed. All that she used to enjoy seems bland and meaningless now without her best friend in her life.

From what the heroine can tell, Lena doesn’t look so good either. The dark circles beneath her eyes have only worsened in the last month. She looks almost as if she’d been punched in the face and her bruises never healed. Kara can’t be certain, but it looks as though the CEO is losing weight. Her bone structure is more pronounced and her clothes don’t hug her body the way they used to. Kara can’t remember the last time she saw Lena smile genuinely. In fact, she doesn’t remember the last time she herself smiled genuinely. 

Tonight is yet another sleepless night. Kara has given up on tossing and turning when sleep won’t come to her. Instead, she attempts to be productive for a while before giving up and roaming the city. Sometimes she flies high above the streets and patrols, pretending she’s doing this to protect her people and not distract herself. Other times she walks the nearly empty streets, letting herself pick up on the various pieces of life in National City. Often, however, she finds herself the one place she shouldn’t be: the roof of Lena’s apartment complex.

With no memory of how she got there, Kara realizes that this is where her feet have taken her tonight, too.

As Kara stands at the edge of the roof, her toes hanging over the side and the streetlights glowing beneath her, she closes her eyes and searches for a familiar sound.

_ Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.  _

Lena’s heartbeat is faster than it is when she’s asleep. For whatever reason, the CEO is also awake at the ungodly hour of 4 in the morning. 

Everything within Kara wants to fly off the roof and right into the penthouse, where surely Lena is typing away on her laptop to distract herself. She can’t see downward to figure out what Lena is actually doing, as the newly-lead-lined walls and ceiling prevent her x-ray vision from functioning. Still, Lena overworking herself or drinking too much sounds about like the limited coping mechanisms the CEO would be employing right then.

Kara takes a deep breath. The morning air is brisk and chills her insides as she breathes it in. Her energy is nearly depleted to the point where simply remaining standing takes serious effort. With less grace than she’d like to admit, Kara lowers herself to a sitting position on the top of the roof. Hoping Lena’s windows don’t reach the ceiling entirely, she lets her legs hang over the side of the roof. She leans backward onto her arms for support, but they tremble under her weight. When was the last time she was outside for long? She can’t remember the last time she got some decent sun exposure. 

Finally giving in to her body’s weakened state, Kara shifts so that her torso is lying on the ground while her legs still hang. The hard cement roof is cold against her shoulders, exposed by the tank top she wears, and it sends a chill down her spine. She stares up at the sky, illuminated by bright white stars and a full moon. Normally the sight would leave her breathless, as the beauty of space has always left her reverent and silent. Tonight it feels lifeless and boring for the first time in Kara’s life.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

The sudden icy voice makes Kara’s entire body startle. She struggles to pull herself back to a sitting position and turns around, searching for the source. She’d recognize the voice anywhere, but she can’t see where it’s coming from.

“Lena? Where are you?” Kara asks into the darkness, her voice hoarse. She pulls herself into a shaky standing position and faces the direction of the voice.

A figure steps out from the shadows, and Kara hardly recognizes it. As Lena walks into the moonlight, wearing just black leggings and an old t-shirt, her suspicions are confirmed. Where muscle and curves used to reside, Lena’s clothing hangs emptily instead. She’s not frighteningly skinny, but she’s definitely losing weight. Kara wonders when she last ate anything. 

“Why are you here?” Lena asks, her eyes cold and emotionless. She stares through Kara, looking at her with the same expression that she would use to look at a brick wall. Not even a shred of the love that used to be in the CEO’s eyes is visible under the light of the moon.

Locking her knees to keep herself standing, Kara clears her throat and attempts to answer.

“I don’t know,” she admits. It’s true. While this is the place she usually ends up, she can never explain why. She concludes that she’s simply drawn to Lena, even if she hates her. 

“Why are you awake?” Kara offers. She knows why she can’t sleep, but she wonders what’s keeping Lena up so late in the night.

Lena’s jaw clenches the way it does when she’s angry, and Kara feels fear jolt in her chest. No one else’s anger scares and saddens her the way Lena’s does. 

“I can’t sleep,” she says simply. The words are loaded with so many emotions that Kara can hardly make them all out. She hears sadness and anger loud and clear, however.

“Me either,” Kara replies quietly. She feels her body threaten to give out again, so she lowers herself back down to where she was. No longer able to look Lena in the eye, she turns her back to the woman as she hangs her legs over the side of the roof. The air seems to grow colder around them. A shiver runs up Kara’s spine as she looks out over the city.

After a few tense moments of silence and Lena’s eyes boring into the back of Kara’s skull, the CEO pads shakily over to where Kara sits. Much to the heroine’s surprise, she adopts the same position by sitting down next to her, legs hanging over the side of the roof. It makes Kara nervous because while she can fly, Lena most certainly can’t. She resists the urge to pull her up away from the edge, knowing any attempt to touch Lena would not end well.

“Does your kind need sleep to survive?” Lena asks suddenly, voice ice cold. The words “your kind” cut Kara like a knife, sending a physical pain through her chest. She fights the burning in her eyes and waits for the lump in her throat to pass before responding. This is the most interaction she and Lena have had in the last month. She’s not going to let emotion ruin it.

“Yes,” Kara answers simply. Her voice wavers, but she hopes Lena won’t notice.

“How do you sleep, Kara?”

The question takes Kara by surprise. Surely Lena isn’t asking physically how she sleeps. The CEO is a bonafide genius; there is no way that she thinks Kara has to sleep in some special manner just because she’s an alien. The rage bubbling beneath the surface of Lena’s voice suggests that Lena is asking a different question entirely.

“Just like humans,” Kara replies, hoping to avoid whatever it is that Lena really asks.

“No,” Lena huffs, shaking her head. “God, Kara, for an alien genius you can be so dense.”

The insult makes pain sear through her chest again, and this time, she cannot stop the tears that well in her eyes. Kara looks the other direction, hoping Lena won’t see.

“I mean, how do you sleep? How did you sleep knowing you were lying to me for years?”

There it was. The question Kara wasn’t prepared to answer.

She doesn’t. At least, not right away. She doesn’t want to risk saying the wrong thing and for a moment, she remains silent. The question weighs on her, settling on her shoulders like some oppressive force pushing her down. She feels like her throat is closing up and her breathing becomes shallow as she tries to get enough oxygen. Still, she tries her hardest not to let Lena see her falling apart. She has to be strong for Lena because she is not the one who was betrayed. Lena is.

“Not well,” Kara replies, her voice tense and throat tight as she restrains her emotion. Lena huffs again and shuffles as if she is going to get up and leave. Still, for some reason, she settles back into her position next to Kara. While the heroine still can’t bear to look at her, the proximity of Lena’s heartbeat tells Kara that she hasn’t gone anywhere.

“I’m going to need a little more than two or three word answers,” Lena says finally after a few uncomfortable beats of silence. 

Kara takes a deep, shaky breath and quickly paws at her eyes. Lena is right. If they’re going to work this out, Kara needs to face this head on. Running won’t get her anywhere.

After a moment to collect herself, Kara finally begins to explain.

“I didn’t sleep well most nights,” she admits, hating the way her voice shakes. She doesn’t have the right to be crying, yet she cannot seem to stop it. “Especially not when you and Supergirl were together. Whether it was on your balcony or in combat, every night we were together as Lena and Supergirl I couldn’t rest.”

“Seems like you did just fine,” Lena bites back. Her own voice is tremulous, and the sound makes Kara’s heart ache. She wants to reach out to hold her best friend like she used to, but now, she is the cause of her pain. All she can do is sit there and talk.

“There was a lot you didn’t see, Lena,” Kara says urgently. She has to get through to her best friend. “So many times that I cried to friends and family because I hadn’t told you yet.”

“Why didn’t you, Kara? After three years, why didn’t you?” Lena asks, whipping her head toward Kara. Kara turns to face her immediately, and she isn’t prepared for what she sees.

She’s only seen Lena really cry once, but this is nothing compared to that. Lena’s eyes are red and full to the brim with overflowing tears. Her cheeks are beet red, as are her nose and ears. This is nothing new. It is the look in her eyes, the look of absolute despair and desperation, that takes Kara’s breath away. Her breath hitches at the sight, and her own eyes water again, blurring her vision. Still, she can see the plead in Lena’s eyes that beg for an explanation. Something, anything, that could mend the wound.

“If you knew I was Supergirl, that was just another target on your back,” Kara explains, and it’s genuine, but they both know that’s not the real reason. Lena huffs and some sort of strangled cry comes from her throat as she stands abruptly. She walks away from the ledge where they sat, her feet padding quietly across the roof. Kara can’t stop the sob that makes its way from her lips. She can feel herself breaking, but she does all she can to hold herself together. For her.

“Dammit, Kara, just tell me the truth! Tell me!”

Lena is screaming now, and surely others can hear her. Kara doesn’t even care. All that matters to her is the woman yelling at her across the rooftop, begging her for an answer.

“I didn’t want to lose you, okay?” Kara responds finally, raising her voice. She whips around at superspeed and suddenly she’s standing in front of Lena. Lena stumbles backward slightly, but she holds her ground. Something flashes in her eyes that Kara can’t quite read, but it makes her stomach drop.

Lena’s chin trembles as fresh tears well in her eyes, and for a moment, neither of them say anything. Then, Lena takes a deep, shaking breath and utters the hardest thing Kara has ever had to hear.

“Well, you have.”

All Kara can do is stand there and sob as Lena retreats back into the building, the door slamming shut behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is as satisfying for you as it was for me!

Another week passes from the night on the rooftop, and Kara is falling apart.

She hasn’t slept more than an hour a night all week, but she hasn’t dared return to Lena’s roof again. The last time she put any food in her system she couldn’t keep it down, so she hasn’t tried in days. Her powers have blown out, and she can barely manage to keep herself upright to write for work. Everything in her wants to collapse, but she can’t, because every time she closes her eyes the last moment with Lena replays like a broken record in her head.

_ “Well, you have.”  _

Nothing has ever hurt Kara the way those three words did. Nothing has ever cut so deep and left such an open wound that refused to heal.

Alex won’t leave her alone, but Kara doesn’t mind. Her sister has given up on trying to force food down her throat after she couldn’t keep it down the first time, but she still offers potstickers and pizza nearly every meal. She’s offered to stay the night with Kara at least twenty times in the last five days, and Kara wants so badly to say yes. She’s happy with Kelly, though, and just like with Maggie, Kara doesn’t want to impose even in her darkest times. Still, Kara sees the way her sister sits outside her door for an hour or so every time she leaves, just waiting for Kara to call her back in. Finally, with a heavy sigh, Alex always heads home to Kelly, but not after mouthing an “I love you” at the wall, knowing Kara will see.

_ “Well, you have.” _

Kara sighs and rubs her temples, throwing her glasses haphazardly on the kitchen table. It’s nearing dusk, and she’s been sitting in front of her laptop for at least three hours trying to write for work. Still, the only words coming to her mind are those three. Finally giving up, she pushes the laptop lid closed and slides it away from her. Her eyes sting from the effort of straining for hours, and Kara lets them fall closed as she leans back in her chair. Her stomach growls incessantly, begging for food, but the nausea is far too strong for Kara to even try to eat. Instead, Kara just sits back and keeps her eyes closed, hoping the room will stop spinning eventually.

She isn’t sure how much time passes that way, but suddenly there’s a soft knock at her door that startles her out of her trance. She squints her eyes toward the door, forgetting momentarily that her powers are gone. Sighing, Kara pushes herself up out of her chair. Her knees wobble beneath her, and she leans on the table as she hobbles toward the door. She nearly falls into it as her strength fails her. With a trembling hand, Kara opens the door.

She isn’t ready for what awaits her on the other side.

Lena wears a National City sweatshirt that hangs loosely over her body, looser than Kara remembers. The black, form-fitting leggings she wears barely grab onto her frail frame. Her hair is pulled into a haphazard bun with strands sticking out every which way. She’s not wearing her contacts, and behind her glasses frames are tear-filled eyes. Her face is a dark red with splotchy patches all over it; she’s been crying hard for quite some time, Kara surmises. The CEO’s lips are parted and trembling as she takes rapid breaths.

In that moment, everything goes out the window. Kara’s hurt feelings are nothing. Fear ripples through her body as she thinks that something terrible has happened, and her protective instinct is kicking in before the hurt can.

“What happened?” Kara asks urgently, her voice slightly hoarse. “Are you safe?”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

Lena’s voice is as broken as Kara has ever heard it. It hardly even sounds like her; she is merely a shell of the woman she was months ago. 

“Do what?” Kara presses, her own voice beginning to shake. She tries not to assume, but she’s never seen Lena look so broken before. The thought of her giving up, of her…

Kara can’t even finish the thought.

“This,” Lena whispers, gesturing vaguely between the two of them. “I can’t do this.”

Kara’s heart falls through her chest. She thought those three words a week ago were the worst thing she had ever heard. This? This is worse. 

Against her will, she immediately begins to cry. Her eyes well with tears before she can stop them, and she drops her head in a feeble attempt to hide it. Her entire body is shaking now, and she isn’t sure how much longer she can keep herself upright. 

“This distance is killing me.”

It takes Kara a few seconds to process what Lena said, but when she does, she looks up in bewilderment at the CEO. Lena swipes at her cheeks halfheartedly, attempting to dry the tears that dampen them. She looks at Kara almost pleadingly, as if begging Kara to fix what’s broken. The desperation in her eyes reminds Kara of the week before, but it’s not quite the same. This is almost longing. Almost.

“What do you mean?” Kara asks. She knows what she wants Lena to mean, but she can’t let herself hope for that. If she gets her hopes up and they fall again, she isn’t sure she’ll get through this time.

“Just tell me why, Kara,” Lena begs, her voice more of a whine than anything. “Tell me why I wasn’t good enough.”

Kara blinks a few times, then shakes her head with a huff. Before she answers, she gently pulls Lena inside. The both of them are about to collapse, quite literally, so Kara guides them to the couch. She tries to hide the relief she feels just from touching Lena, but the sigh that escapes her lips surely gives her up. 

They sit down on the couch, both curled up on either end. Grateful as Kara is for the direction this is going, she still doesn’t feel safe enough to get in Lena’s space. She pulls her feet up so that she’s sitting crosslegged on the cushion, her right knee hanging off the side. Lena opts instead to pull her knees to her chest, almost as though she’s protecting herself. The sight makes Kara’s heart crumble all over again. She wants nothing more than to be able to reach over and hold her. Still, they aren’t there. There’s still too much pain between them for intimacy like that.

“What do you mean, not good enough?” Kara asks, wiping the tears from her cheek with the sleeve of her shirt. Lena’s brown furrows and she looks down as fresh tears slip down her cheeks. The brunette swallows hard, then takes a shaky breath.

“Did you ever really trust me, Kara? Or was I still just a Luthor?”

Kara sighs and looks down, her chest aching at the mere notion that Kara didn’t trust Lena because of her last name. She’s beginning to realize the depth of how this hurt Lena, and the thought kills Kara inside. 

“Lena, this had nothing to do with your last name,” Kara promises, trying to steel herself over. She has to be strong for Lena now, as Lena has been many times for her. 

“Then why?” Lena asks. “There has to be a reason.”

“I figured it was too late, that you finding out would be a betrayal of trust at this point,” Kara answers, and it’s genuine. As time went on, Kara knew that the betrayal Lena would feel would only get worse. 

“So why not tell me early on?” Lena presses. “I don’t understand.”

That same look of desperation has returned to Lena’s eyes, and Kara searches for an answer. She knows as well as Lena does that there’s more to it than either of them have realized yet, and Kara is determined to give Lena the truth.

Kara is silent for a few moments, her lips parted as if to speak but nothing comes out. She wracks her brain for the answer, knowing it’s there somewhere. She’s fairly certain that Lena doesn’t even blink as she stares at her, waiting.

“You always liked me for me,” Kara whispers, realization dawning on her like a wave crashing over her. “You liked me for Kara. Not Supergirl. Kara.”

Lena doesn’t reply for a while. She opens her mouth as if she’s going to, then immediately closes it. There’s something in her eyes that Kara can’t quite read, but then Lena turns away, staring out the window instead. Tears still roll down her cheeks, and Kara has never felt so powerless in her life. She just wants to fix this and to know what’s going through Lena’s head. Instead, she stays quiet, waiting for Lena to respond.

It takes several minutes of tense silence before she finally does.

“You’re still Kara to me. You always have been, and always will be. Even when you’re wearing that cape.”

Kara can’t stop the gasp that passes her lips at the loving words. It’s the last thing she expected Lena to say, and she isn’t sure how to respond. Lena speaks again before she can.

“You just happen to be Kara, the woman who has saved my life in more ways than one.”

Kara sputters as she attempts to respond. Random syllables make their way out of her mouth, but she can’t seem to form anything coherent. She expected Lena to be saying her final goodbyes, not tell her that she’s her lifesaver. The sudden change of tone from the past month is enough to give Kara whiplash.

Finally, Kara stops trying to respond. Instead, she tentatively reaches out a trembling hand. To her surprise, Lena takes it instantly. Lena’s hand is wet with tears, but Kara doesn’t even care. Lena is holding her hand again, without hesitation, and that is all that matters.

“I don’t know how I’ll ever earn your forgiveness,” Kara admits through a sudden sob. She doesn’t know when she started crying again, but she can’t stop. The sobs she’s choked back for a week because they hurt too much come tumbling forth now, making Kara’s entire body shake. Her composure finally crumbles, and the broken girl beneath it all shows through.

“Well, you have.”

Those three words, whispered through wavering breath, hold a different weight than they did the first time Kara heard them. Now, they swaddle her in warmth and security rather than chipping away at her already broken pieces. Where agony filled Kara’s chest for the past week, a surge of love and gratefulness comes instead. 

It is the first time she has felt close to being whole again in over a month.

With her free hand, Lena takes off her glasses and leans over to set them on the coffee table. Kara doesn’t miss the irony of the action, but she doesn’t give it much thought. As Lena begins to cry again, attempting but failing to hide between the sleeve of her sweatshirt, Kara moves without thinking. 

She pulls Lena into her arms, practically into her lap, before either of them realize what’s happening. Lena lets out an inhuman sound, strangled as it forces its way up her throat, and latches onto Kara immediately. Kara wraps her arms as tightly as she can muster around her best friend and cradles her head into her neck. Lena sobs outwardly, not trying to suppress the sound of her cries. Before Kara realizes what’s happening, she’s rocking them back and forth, words of comfort tumbling from her lips.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers into Lena’s ear through a heavy sob. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“I need my best friend back,” Lena replies into Kara’s neck, her breath hot against the hero’s skin. “I can’t do this without you.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Kara promises. “I’m not going anywhere.”

They stay this way for what feels like hours, and maybe it is. By the time they finally separate, the sun has gone down, and the moon and stars illuminate the sky. A quick glance at her wrist tells Kara that it’s nearly ten at night. Had they really been there that long?

They sit in the center of the couch now, Kara leaning her head on Lena’s shoulder as the CEO wraps her arm around her. Both of them are still trembling, both from lack of food and sleep and the depth of their emotion. Still, Kara feels safe again in her best friend’s arms.

“I thought you were really going to leave for good,” Kara admits. Her voice is hoarse. She clears her throat in an attempt to get her voice back, but she knows it’s no use.

“I thought I did,” Lena replies, and a familiar pang of hurt flashes through Kara’s chest. Seeming to sense this, Lena tightens her grip around Kara and gently presses her lips to the top of the hero’s head. Kara settles, the tension in her body leaving once more.

“I will never keep a secret from you ever again,” Kara promises. She sits up suddenly, needing to look Lena in the eyes. Her emerald orbs are still red and watery, and they begin to well again at Kara’s words.

“I will never lie to you again.”

Lena doesn’t even try to speak. Instead, she places her hand over her heart and presses it there, then mouths a thank you in response. Kara simply nods, placing her hand over Lena’s. It’s a silent  _ I’m here  _ that means more to either of them than they would have ever realized.

They sit there for a few more minutes, simply trying to take it all in. Kara keeps repeating to herself that Lena really is back, that her best friend really is back. It almost feels too good to be true, so she has to remind herself that it’s real. Lena’s eyes fall shut and she grasps onto Kara’s hand once more, keeping it pressed firmly against her own.

After at least ten more minutes, Lena finally opens her eyes again. 

“When is the last time you ate?” she asks, her voice crackly. 

Kara looks down, afraid of Lena’s reaction. “It’s been a few days. I couldn’t keep food down.”

Lena sighs, but she doesn’t seem angry. Her thumb runs across the back of Kara’s hand in comfort.

“Me either,” the CEO admits. Kara looks up, and she can’t help the way she looks at Lena in pity. She’s lost at least ten pounds that she didn’t have to lose in the first place. She looks like only a shell of the woman Kara knew.

“Do you want to try to eat something?” Kara suggests. The nausea in her stomach is starting to subside, and now, the grumble of hunger is stronger. She can definitely feel that she hasn’t eaten in days.

Lena nods, and Kara swears she sees the tiniest of smiles playing at her lips.

“Pizza? Ice cream? Potstickers?”

Kara can’t help her small smile at the suggestions. “D, all of the above?”

Lena smiles for real this time, and Kara can’t remember the last time she felt this at peace.

“You order the pizza and potstickers, I’ll go buy ice cream,” Lena says, pushing herself up off the couch.

Sudden anxiety plagues Kara’s mind, and her breath gets stuck in her throat. The thought of Lena leaving again sends panic through her, even though logically she knows it shouldn’t. She tries to hide the way her heart beats faster and her breathing accelerates.

Before she can react, two cold and shaking hands gently grasp her face. Kara looks up, and watery emerald orbs stare back at her intently. 

“I’m coming back, Kara Zor-El,” Lena says, and Kara nearly melts at the use of her full name. “I’m not leaving you ever again.”

Kara takes a deep breath and nods, willing her heart to slow down. Lena doesn’t move until Kara stops shaking. With a promise that she’ll be back soon, she leans down and presses a kiss to Kara’s forehead.

_ I could get used to that,  _ Kara thinks, watching as Lena walks out the door. Her anxiety isn’t completely gone, but she has faith in Lena. She’s always had faith in Lena.

As promised, Lena does return with ice cream. Kara orders pizza and potstickers while she’s gone, and it arrives not long after Lena returns. They demolish everything they ordered within minutes, and Kara’s fairly certain they each chug down a gallon of water. Her stomach is full to the brim, but she doesn’t even care. Her best friend is back. That’s all that matters.

They’re about to go to bed when Kara’s phone buzzes in her pocket. Lena raises an eyebrow, but Kara waves her on to the bedroom. There was never a question that they would be sleeping together. They’d been apart for too long; Kara wasn’t going to let go of Lena anytime soon.

Kara glances down at her phone, wondering who would be texting her so late in the evening. She smiles slightly as her sister’s name lights up her screen.

**Alex: Everything okay?**

Kara sighs and lets her eyes fall shut for a moment. She takes a deep breath, and for once, it doesn’t shake. She lets the breath out slowly, relishing in the calm washing over her.

**Kara: She’s back. **

**Alex: I knew she would be. You two always work it out.**

**Kara: I really thought I lost her.**

**Alex: You could never. She loves you too much.**

Kara takes a moment to reread the message, the word ‘love’ dawning on her for the second time that night.

**Kara: I love her too. I don’t know what I would have done without her.**

**Alex: Get some sleep, okay? You need it. You both do. Tell Lena I said hi and I miss her.**

Kara chuckles, a real one, about the fact that Alex knows that Lena is still with her. She types back a “will do” and heads to her bed.

Lena is already fast asleep, looking restful for the first time in over a month. Kara sighs in relief and carefully slides into bed next to her, pulling the blankets over both of them.

It’s all Kara can do to memorize the peaceful look on Lena’s face before sleep overtakes her, too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As requested, here's the morning after chapter :) I apologize if it isn't as good as the other two, but I hope you all still enjoy! Thank you so much for the kudos and kind comments, it means more than you know!

Bright light shines in through Kara’s bedroom window, illuminating the backs of her eyelids. For a moment, the familiar sensation of dread fills her body as it had for the past month. She sighs heavily and rolls over, already preparing herself to try to get something done today.

Instead of reaching the edge of her bed, Kara comes into contact with something soft and warm. Her eyes flutter open, and for a moment, she can’t quite see through the bright light. When her eyes adjust, the view she’s met with makes her dread disappear in an instant.

Lena is still fast asleep. Her lips are parted slightly as she softly snores, her hair strewn all across her face and shoulders. She’s laying so that she’s now facing Kara, her arms wrapped around herself tightly. The sight sends the slightest ache through Kara’s chest. Even in her sleep, Lena still tries to protect herself. The ache is outweighed, however, by the joy that arises from the peaceful expression cast over Lena’s face. Kara doesn’t remember the last time she saw Lena look that calm, even before their falling out. A small smile plays at Kara’s lips. For a moment, she simply watches her best friend rest.

As if sensing the pair of eyes on her, Lena stirs awake not long after Kara. Before she opens her eyes, she stretches out, a tiny squeak emanating from her throat as she does so. Kara tries to hide her chuckle, but clearly does not succeed as Lena smiles in response. She mutters a “hush” before relaxing her body, turning back onto her side to meet Kara.

“Good morning Ms. Luthor,” Kara says, her voice still slightly hoarse. Still, it’s an improvement from the day before, so she’ll take what she can get.

“Good morning, Ms. Zor-El.”

The softness in Lena’s eyes as she refers to Kara by her Kryptonian name sends a rush of gratitude and adoration through Kara’s chest. She can’t help the ear-to-ear grin that lights up her face in response. Lena grins back, a soft chuckle falling from her lips as she does so.

“Did you sleep okay?” Kara asks. She vaguely remembers that it’s a Thursday morning and she told James she would be in to work that day, but she pushes the thought out. She’s too engrossed in the fact that Lena is here and doesn’t hate her to care.

“Better than I have in months, honestly,” Lena replies, propping her head up on one elbow. Her messy hair falls in waves over her ivory shoulders. Without thinking, Kara reaches out and gently brushes a stray piece behind Lena’s ear. The heroine could swear that a blush creeps into Lena’s cheeks.

Kara takes a long, deep breath and falls onto her back. She stares up at her ceiling, relishing in the lack of urgency she feels. She’s no longer waiting impatiently for something. Everything she wants is right next to her, and everything is starting to feel okay again.

“So we have a lot to talk about,” Lena says. Her tone isn’t angry; it’s matter of fact. Kara sighs, feeling her chest tighten ever so slightly. She knows Lena isn’t going to leave, now, but the thought of diving into the pain of the last month again sounds less than ideal. Still, she knows that if they’re truly going to heal, they must. The only way through something is through it, not around it.

“Coffee first?” Kara suggests, offering a small smile. Lena reciprocates it and nods.

They begrudgingly slide out from beneath the warm covers, and Kara shivers against the slightly cool air of her apartment. She pads quietly into the kitchen and begins preparing the coffee maker. While caffeine does nothing to help her feel more alert, she simply likes the taste and the warmth in her belly. It’s been a long time since she’s been able to stomach coffee, and the idea of drinking it again brings a smile to her lips.

While the coffee brews, Kara hoists herself onto her countertop, letting her legs hang over the side. Lena takes a seat at the island, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

They sit there in silence, both comfortable and tense, and the silence remains as they sip their coffee on the couch. Finally, after about fifteen minutes without a word, Kara speaks.

“So where do we start?” she asks hesitantly. She’s not sure she’s ready to dive back in, but figures now is as best a time as any. She takes a deep breath to steady herself and looks up to meet Lena’s eyes.

“I want to make sure we both have a chance to fully explain our sides,” Lena says. “We both deserve to be heard.”

“I agree completely,” Kara replies in earnest. She pulls her feet into a crosslegged position, much like she had the night before. This time, however, she feels much safer and less guarded. 

“Can I start?” Lena asks, and it warms Kara’s heart that even though she was the one who felt betrayed, she still asked first before simply diving into her explanation. Kara nods, whispering an “of course” and pulling one of the blankets on the back of the couch around her shoulders.

For a few moments, Lena doesn’t speak. She holds her nearly empty coffee mug, the same one she had left in the cabinet months before. Her eyes dart around the room, not with nervousness but rather searching for a way to formulate her thoughts. Kara simply sits and watches, wanting to give her best friend all the time she needs to speak her piece.

“I guess the easiest way to explain why I was so hurt is that you were the one person in my life I could count on,” Lena begins. “You were the one person who I thought had never lied to me, and never looked at me like I was a Luthor.”

The familiar ache from the past month begins to creep in again, but Kara wards it off as best as she can. She doesn’t speak. Instead, she nods, encouraging Lena to continue.

“I had my suspicions all along,” Lena admits. “I mean… I flew here on a bus? Come on.”

With this, she offers a small smile, and it does wonders to ease Kara’s anxiety. Kara returns the smile and looks down sheepishly. That was a pretty terrible save, if she must admit it.

“Still, just like Lex said, I ignored them because I didn’t want to believe them. I wanted to believe that my best friend would tell me something that… big, that important.”

Kara wants to tell her about all the times she tried, all the times she wanted to, but she stays quiet.

“The hardest part was realizing that it wasn’t Supergirl who pulled the Luthor card on me over the Kryptonite last year. It was you. My best friend, looking at me like I was my brother.”

There it is. The incident she knew was going to be brought up that she didn’t want to face. It was one of her lowest moments, and she has regretted it since the moment those words passed her lips.

Lena looks down now, looking crestfallen as the memory settles on her. Kara’s heart breaks in two as she sees Lena’s ears and nose turning bright red. It never really hit Kara just how badly that jab had hurt Lena until now. Lena looks back up with tears in her eyes, and Kara’s heart aches at the sight.

“Sorry, I…” Lena begins, her voice tremulous. 

“No,” Kara breathes. “Don’t you be sorry. That was on me. My fault.”

Her throat begins to constrict, but she wills herself not to cry. She hurt Lena; she doesn’t have the right to be crying right now.

“I know you were hurt too, you were scared. And hell, if my best friend had the one substance that could kill me, I’d be hurt and scared too,” Lena continues, chuckling wryly as a lone tear drips down her face. She makes no attempt to wipe it away. 

“But me? After everything, you’d really pull that card on me?”

“People do stupid things when they’re scared,” Kara replies, barely above a whisper. “I was so stupid. I regret that every single day.”

Lena sniffles, reaching up now to dry her cheek with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. Kara wants so badly to reach out and wipe the tears away for her, but she isn’t certain how well that would be received. Even though they woke up together, she knows they’re still a long way from being healed, and right now might be too raw for that kind of contact. Instead, Kara sits back, simply listening.

“I forgive you, don’t get me wrong,” Lena says, and Kara feels relief wash over her. “It just… it hurt, you know? It kind of… this whole thing just sort of shook my world a bit.”

Kara nods, relating completely. Losing Lena for a month shook Kara’s entire being to her core, leaving her on shaky ground without knowing where to go. 

“Can I ask you something?” Lena asks, her voice steadier now, much to Kara’s relief. Kara nods earnestly.

“Anything.”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

Kara sighs. “Do you remember our first game night after everything finally calmed down?”

Lena nods silently.

“I wanted to tell you that night, because I couldn’t bear keeping it from you anymore. It was eating me up inside,” Kara admits. “Alex told me to just give you that night to be happy before I laid that on you.”

“And the next day I confronted you before you had a chance,” Lena says, realization dawning on her features. Kara nods, grateful that she seemed to understand.

“Well,” Lena continues, “I’m glad I guess that you were going to tell me eventually. I just wish it had been sooner. I still feel like you didn’t trust me.”

“Lena Luthor, I trust you more than any other friend I’ve ever had in my life,” Kara says, and it’s not an exaggeration. The only person she trusts more than Lena is Alex, and Lena is an extremely close second. 

The words seem to affect Lena, for she doesn’t respond for a few moments. Finally, with tearful eyes and a small smile, she whispers a “me too” through shaking breath. Kara nearly gasps in surprise at the admission. She thought that Lena’s trust in her would be completely shattered; to hear Lena say that she trusted her more than any other friend is somewhat of a shock.

“Your trust means more to me than you’ll ever know, Lena,” she admits, voice hushed. “I swear to you I will never break it again.”

“I believe you,” Lena says, sniffling. She reaches up to wipe away her tears, but this time, it is Kara who reaches out to wipe them away. Her shaking thumb gently swipes across Lena’s rosy cheeks, wiping the moisture away. Lena smiles softly and chuckles.

“Who knew Luthors could have this many feelings?” she offers, feebly attempting a joke. It doesn’t cloak the self deprecation that lurks behind much of Lena’s self-talk, however. Kara is having none of it.

“I’ve known the depth of your heart since the day we met,” Kara says softly, looking Lena directly in the eyes.

The comment seems to take Lena by surprise. For a moment, she simply looks back at Kara, lips parted, as fresh tears fill her emerald eyes. Kara offers a small smile, and Lena returns it immediately. 

They talk for what feels like hours. Kara tells Lena that she never meant to hurt her, that her biggest fear for three years was losing one of the truest friends she’s ever had. Tears are shed, but the distance between them that had crept back in quickly begins to dissipate. Kara knows fully and truly that they will be okay, and perhaps their period of healing will not be that long after all. The month apart seemed to do them well in a way, as it gave them each time to process their own feelings about the situation before processing them together. Perhaps, Kara thinks, they can instead come from the experience stronger.

By the time they finish talking through what they’ve been thinking and feeling for the past month, it’s nearly noon and both their stomachs are growling incessantly. Neither of them are ready to go out into the world, so they decide on potstickers from Kara’s favorite Chinese restaurant and the second tub of ice cream from the night before. As Lena flips on the television, searching for something to watch while they eat, Kara just watches her.

“Hey, Lena?” she says softly after a few moments. Lena turns around, the messy bun she had thrown her hair up into bouncing as she does so. Her eyes are still slightly watery, and her cheeks are still rosy. 

“I love you,” Kara whispers. “I’ve never told you that outright before and you need to know. I love you.”

For a moment, Lena doesn’t react. She barely even moves, keeping her eyes trained on Kara, and the hero wonders if she’s said the wrong thing, if it was too soon. Suddenly, Lena stands up from her spot on the couch and walks over to where Kara stands in the kitchen. Without hesitation, she pulls Kara into her arms.

Kara sighs and sinks into Lena’s embrace, wrapping her arms tightly around her middle as she rests her head on Lena’s collarbone. Despite the chill in the air, Lena’s embrace is warm and comforting, and Kara doesn’t even try to hide the way she relishes in it. Her eyes fall shut and a sigh of relief escapes her lips before she can stop it.

“I love you too, Kara,” Lena finally replies. She runs one hand up and down Kara’s back, and Kara realizes she’s been rubbing her thumb on Lena’s shoulder for the entirety of their hug. 

They stay that way in their silent embrace for a few minutes, drinking each other in. Never in a million years did Kara expect Lena would ever come back, let alone tell her that she loves her the morning after. This is everything she needed and more, and she’s reluctant to let go.

Finally, the grumbling of their stomachs overrules. As Lena’s stomach makes a particularly loud growling sound, they both chuckle as they finally part. Lena nods toward the living room, where ice cream and potstickers await them on the coffee table. Some romcom is playing on the TV, but Lena appears to have other plans. She slips in a DVD that Kara can’t quite discern and sits back down on the couch, a sly smile on her face.

Kara nearly squeals with excitement when  _ The Wizard of Oz  _ lights up the screen.

“You really know me,” she jokes, leaning back into the couch with far too many potstickers in her bowl. 

“I really do,” Lena agrees, but the softness in her voice tells Kara that her response is no joke.

Kara hums in reply, needing no words.

Finally, after forty long, long days and nights, everything is beginning to feel okay again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will accept nothing less than tearful apologies and hugs and I love yous.


End file.
